Hermione and the Trees
by Meknowenglish
Summary: First houselves, now trees. A story of ignorance, morals, and bribery. And annoying reporters.


Disclaimer: Me don't own Harry Potter.  
  
[At Hogwarts]  
  
Ron: "Say Harry, have you seen Hermione lately."  
  
Harry: "Umm....nope."  
  
Ron: (sudden burst of extacy) "Oh God! She's been witch-napped!"  
  
Harry: (confused) "Where on earth did you draw that conclusion from?"  
  
Ron: "Instinct, insolent boy, instinct."  
  
Harry: "I'll bet she's in the Forbidden Forest!"  
  
Ron: "Instinct?"  
  
Harry: "Nope, Parvati told me so in Charms."  
  
Ron: "Why the hell didn't you say that earlier!"  
  
[Harry and Ron troop towards the Forbidden Forest]  
  
Harry: (gripping Ron in fear) "I'm so scared, Ron!"  
  
Ron: "Harry, why are you so scared? You have faced Voldemort lots of times."  
  
Harry: "Hmm...I was probably high on something."  
  
Ron: (disgusted) "I see."  
  
[They approach a large crowd]  
  
Harry: "What's going on?"  
  
Ron: (shading eyes) "I do believe- Hermione is tied to a tree."  
  
[Harry and Ron move closer to the scene]  
  
Rita Skeeter: (noticing Ron and Harry) "Harry Potter!"   
  
[The other reporters, with specialized snooping senses, hear the name at once. They swarm over Harry]  
  
Reporter #1: "Harry Potter! Are those rumors about you and Dobby the houself true?"  
  
Reporter #2: "A word please Mr. Potter! Is it true you're flunking out of Hog-"  
  
Reporter #3: "Mr. Potter! I've heard the scar is just Magic Marker!"  
  
Harry: "Ahh! Oh the humanity! Or lack thereof, I should say!"  
  
[Harry and Ron manage to get away]  
  
Harry: (shouting back) "Dobby and I are *not* a couple, you sick, creatively-challanged-"  
  
Ron: "Harry! The bad reporters have taken Hermione!"  
  
Harry: "And she's tied to a tree! They are going to sacrifice her! And transfigure her corpse to Quick-quotes quills!"  
  
[They approach Hermione's tree, and begin to untie her]  
  
Hermione: (struggling against Harry and Ron) "Stop! Leave me be!"  
  
Harry: "They've brainwashed her!"  
  
Ron: (grabbing Hermione by the shoulders) "Do you know who I am, Hermione? Do you know your name!"  
  
Hermione: (pursing lips in anger) " Idiots! I'm saving the trees!"  
  
Harry and Ron: (confused) "Wha?"  
  
[Rita Skeeter and others come towards Hermione]  
  
Rita Skeeter: "And today we have a muggle-born student, saving a batch of evergreens from being made into broomsticks!"  
  
Ron: "Hermione, you're a tree-hugger?"  
  
Hermione: "Yes." (binding Harry and Ron with her wand to the tree) "And you two as well."  
  
Harry: (weakly) "Erm, Hermione, I respect your feeling with trees and all, but I don't want to hug trees." (shudders)"Eww.."  
  
Hermione:"Harry! Don't you want to save the trees from being injudiciously made into broomsticks!"  
  
Harry: (whining) "But, I like broomsticks!"  
  
[A large truck truck with a logo of a zooming broom on the side approaches]  
  
Man in the Truck: (with a megaphone) "Alright you crazy kids, back away from the trees or your roadkill."  
  
Hermione: (desperatly searching for words) "But-but sir! You can't cut down these trees, they are part of the Forbidden Forest."  
  
Man in the Truck: "We got permission from Dumbledore."  
  
Hermione: (shocked) "Why would he do such a thing!"  
  
Dumbledore: (voice out of nowhere) " Two words, girl- MON-EY!"  
  
Hermione: (groans) "Oh sir! How could you!"  
  
Dumbledore: (bewildered) "I told you! MON-  
  
Hermione: "Alright, I get it!"  
  
[The truck approaches the rebellious adolescants]  
  
Hermione: (confident) "Don't worry, they'll stop. I've seen these protests hundreds of times in the Muggle world."  
  
[The truck doesn't stop]  
  
Harry and Ron: "Uh, Hermione-"  
  
Hermione: "Stuff it!"  
  
[The truck doesn't stop]  
  
Ron: (exclaims) "Lord Jesus! It ain't gonna stop!"  
  
[The truck plows into the trees]  
  
Rita Skeeter: (voice full of melancholy) "A tragedy indeed. And this repoter has a few things to say about it. Was it right? No. Could it have been prevented? Probably. I guess this is a lesson that in society, the smallest voice with the fullest determination cannot stop forces stronger.(brightens up) "But anyway, it looks as if a new model broomstick is to be born! With it's improved brake mechanism, and higher speed, this model is the most anticipated of all..."  
  
End 


End file.
